What’s It Like to Go #2 in Front of a Complete Stranger? | The Daily Upset, Episode 1

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all genders and races, species of all planets, animals that understand English, humans alike, the masturbators. Said uns at my fly. I’m getting a little tight here. I’m sitting. The problem is you guys, you got to do work like this in a damn chair. All right. All right. So let’s, let’s talk. Let’s talk today about taking a shit in front of a stranger. Oh, God, guys, you know, stuff happens to me that it’s just, it must be told. These are just the stories of the time. They must be told. I got to get in the mode. I just got out of the hospital, okay?

So I was in the hospital. I just got out a few hours ago. I mean, I was paralyzed, like… Puking my guts out. My throat was so messed up from the acid from vomiting that it cut it. And I was like puking up blood. Good times. I liked it. Not really. I was like, dude, give me some Oxy, bro. And he’s like, no. We can. And you’re not a drug addict. And you’re in pain. But no. Our medical system is so scared of being sued that they won’t help people properly. They let people suffer and they’re like, we’ll give you, we’ll relieve 10% of your pain.

I’m like, but you don’t understand this kind of pain. And like, okay, 5%. It’s like, fuck you, man. Jesus. God. I mean, it’s like, it’s just. But, you know, Michael Jackson, so people are like, eh, I get it. We live in a society that is destroying itself because of greed. You got people that are just seeking a way to sue somebody and take what they have, to steal what they have. Now, if you’re in the right, you’re in the right, but… It’s like, look, dude, I’m sitting here fucking dying. You can’t give me a freaking pill that will help the pain.

You’re going to just give me nothing, like just some shit. And they’re like, yeah, I’m worried I’m going to get sued. I’m like, dude, I, you know, trying to talk to anybody that you can’t talk to anybody. It’s like, I got to go talk to this person. They got to talk to this person. They got to talk to that person. They got to talk, whatever. So. Anyways, I was in the hospital. Look, guys, welcome to the Daily Upset, right? The stories of Jonathan. I’m a scholarly man. If you found this channel outside of the scholarly nature. For the first half of the day, I teach extraordinarily advanced math and physics live on camera. For the second half, I do this. But I might have to do it sober now.

I drank too much. But I drink, I like alcohol. But I drink too much. And what happens is I stop drinking water when I’m drinking alcohol for an extended period of time. And my electrolytes got low. And it’s so funny because I was just watching Breaking Bad. And Walter White, him and Jesse were in the trailer in the desert when Jesse put the keys in the ignition. And Walter White’s sitting there with the towel over his head. And he’s like, it’s such great acting. And so Jesse’s like, let’s get out of here, man. Let’s just go. Oh.

And Walter, he’s like, my dog was, I got to tell you about her too. So Walter White, he’s like, Jesse, our electrolytes are dangerously low. Do you have any idea what will happen to us? Our bodies will clench up. We won’t be able to move our muscles. You know, you hear something like that. It’s happened to me on both ends of the table, okay? I had overdosed on electrolytes once. And the same thing happened. I experienced paralysis. And I couldn’t move. And I had to, like, crawl out of my condo. I just had to, like, crawl. Like a zombie.

My whole body was like white and just, I mean, I looked like a zombie just crawling out. My dad, my aunt died recently and she was a chain smoking, severe alcoholic, like one of the worst kind of alcoholics there are. And for some reason she was able to I think she got disability or something, and she found the balance. Some people find a balance. A couple gallons of vodka a day, a couple packs of cigarettes, Social Security, and I’ll eat McDonald’s once a week.

I don’t know. You used to be able to be an alcoholic. Well, actually, you used to be able to eat. Now you have to be an alcoholic. Do you have any idea how cheap alcohol is and how expensive food is? That’s part of the reason I was drinking a lot. Paying 10, 20 bucks for a 12 pack of beer and a bottle of wine or something is way cheaper than buying food. But I’m pretty savvy. I do a show called Gourmet Cooking on a College Budget. I’m starting it from scratch since I’m in a broke situation right now. Not from drinking, guys. I’m very intelligent. I’m not broke because of that. I’m broke because of criminals. And just bad luck.

My main source of income that I get from doing book signings in Madison, Wisconsin. Some cop decided to play Call of Duty. And then I live, I do the book signings right on State Street, downtown Madison. If you don’t know this, the last time a cop murdered a black man, killed him, you know, it was a premeditated murder. I think if you become a police officer with the hopes of killing somebody, then it’s murder. But can you prove that in a court of law? If he plays Call of Duty World at War, I think that’s evidence. And this guy kind of looked like that.

So I got to give this dog love right now. She was crying. My neighbor was walking her, but when I got home, she was by herself in here. This broke my heart. This broke my heart. I’m trying not to let it make me like cry. I’m like, I got to try to laugh about it or something. But this little girl, I came home and she was sitting on the bed, like right next to my head where I sleep. I opened the door and all I hear is she was crying. I mean, it broke my heart. She was just sitting there crying by herself all alone.

And then I came home. And the wonderful thing about dogs is that they have zero memory. They’re very intelligent. But when it comes to a situation of… I don’t know. I mean, it depends on how long it lasts. She understands. She’s like, I’m home, baby. You’re all good. I’m here. Took her for like a nice long hike around campus. Got her some treats. She’s loving me right now. She’s giving me extra love. She’s just very happy I’m home. She’s like, oh my God, I thought you were gone forever. She’s a very, very high maintenance dog. She’s everything I’ve always wanted in a woman. But she’s a dog.

I always tell people, like, well, my whole life I just wanted a petite European girl. I just forgot to specify the species. Like a girl that, like my fantasy girl is like a 19-year-old girl that comes from a wealthy family that comes from Europe or something. Look, bitch. I don’t want to fuck a girl my age. Sorry. It’s just not for me. I mean, you better be goddamn hot. I mean, and I’m starting to question my sexuality because of all the transgender porn and all the transgender girls. I’m like, what the hell is happening here?

They look better than the women. It’s like they do. You know why the transgender girls look better than the women? I mean, the ones who do it right, like very feminine. They have a genuine transgender body. Thousands of years ago in India… According to some research I did, transgender people are considered the third species of human or whatever. Like the third race. It’s part of evolution. It’s just natural occurrence. I believe that. Because… I believe homosexuality is completely normal. It’s, you know, a crack whore has a baby and she can’t take care of it.

No offense to the crack whore. I’ve smoked crack and, you know, I’ve done whores. It’s no offense. It’s just comedic. So quit getting fucking offense. This is the problem. You can’t say that. It’s just English. What are you guys smoking? I’m speaking English here. You guys on crack? They’re like, this needs to be 18 plus. Do you want your children not to understand English? I’m highly, highly educated. I’m highly intelligent. I’m also a freaking moron. So respect the balance, okay? It’s the balance. You must respect the balance. You can’t have this level of intelligence without being a complete idiot. It goes back thousands of years. It’s just like the way it is.

I can’t work a full-time job. I have to do something like this. Otherwise, I’ll be homeless in the streets. But I can teach math, do math very advanced. Ph.D. level math, no problem. Physics, no problem. You make me work a full-time job, I’ll be homeless in three months. It’s not a joke. And society does not recognize this. People like me, they need to be identified. But anyway, so gay people take care of the baby. You get the story. It brings a balance to the force. So I’m drinking lemonade. This is my remedy.

I’m going to explain to those of you alcoholics out there. If you’re at the tail end of a binge of drinking and you’re like about to die because you’re like, ah! You keep trying to drink alcohol, but you keep puking it up. Depending on how old you are, You might be able to tough it out. I’ve reached the age where I have to go to the hospital. I’ve gone through alcohol withdrawal probably 200, 300 times. Let’s see. Out of 20 years, let’s count this out. Every 30 to 90 days. Let’s say three to six times a year. We’ll call it five. Probably about… 100 times I’ve gone through alcohol withdrawal.

I’m usually sober, actually. That’s the funny thing. I’m usually sober for three months at a time. And then I drink for three months. I drink for like a month. And then I’m sober for like three months. So it depends. It’s like whatever. It depends on how many college girls are around. My God. I mean, you go outside and you see… 20,000 horny virgin pheromone farting coochies in these tight yoga pants. Girls, you need a reality check, okay? You’re all trying to master manipulation. It’s sick. You can’t look at me. You’re just trying to become a liar when you do that. Men want to fuck women. Seriously.

And then you dress the way you do to look like a little girl. Do you understand why women started waxing and shaving? It’s because, you know, like a hundred years ago, the husbands were like, you don’t even look like you’re 13 anymore. Take all that hair off. And you girls are out there just practicing the art of looking like a 12 year old. And what happens is when the flesh is exposed, it causes an enticing, it entices a sexual desire. And you’re doing it on purpose. Completely. And you’re like, don’t lick at me. You got your freaking tits. Whatever. You guys are sick.

I mean, the young generation, you guys are sick. You all need to grow up. Men like to fuck women. Penis, vagina, baby. How the fuck do you think you were born? I’m just sick of it. And you can’t say that. You can’t say that. I have power over you now. I have so much power over you now because you said English words under the right of the U.S. Constitution. I have power over you. My dad’s going to kill you. I’m going to sue you. You can’t say you’re fucking retarded. Seriously. Come on. Let’s bring it back.

Hey Siri, define retard. As a verb, retard means delay or hold back in terms of progress, development, or accomplishment. Did you hear that, young lady? You don’t understand English. It means you’re a fucking retard, just like the people that run these companies that keep banning me for speaking English. I had to separate… So let me explain. I had to separate… Everything that I’ve been doing for the past 15 years because a fucking retard is like, you can’t say retard. Fuck you. This is England.

It’s against your community guidelines. No, it’s not. I read your community guidelines. It’s a circle of ass fuckery that allows you to just fuck everybody over. There is no community guidelines. Let me see your algorithm. It’s confidential. Fucking liars behind lawyers. That’s what you are. That’s what the young girls are practicing. The lies behind the law. I have no respect for that. If you’re a young girl and you’re hot and I look at you and you’re disgusted by it, fuck you. You need to grow the hell up. Or let me fuck you. Your choice. Look, you’re practicing the art of worshipping the devil. Lies.

And the devil does not think the devil is lying because within the lies, the devil tells the truth. It creates a world of lies and only talks within that circle and then therefore it is true within that bubble of lies. This is why mathematics is so important. Mathematics creates a bubble of truth and anything that you say within it is bonafide truth and it’s beneficial and helpful. Girls who lie and whatever you do. What am I talking about? We gotta talk about me taking a shit in front of this woman. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Look, I just like, go ahead and ban me. Shadow ban me. I read the definition of retired live on TikTok and they permanently banned me. I can’t open a new account. I can’t do anything on TikTok.

They’re like, you said the word retard. You said the definition of it. You’re not allowed to make money. You should be homeless. You should be murdered. This is China. My throat’s still a little messed up. Do you guys understand how sick that is? This is what America is about, you little bitch. You’re all like, this is what America was started for. Now we got YouTube and Instagram and Facebook and TikTok. They’re no longer American companies. We’re going back 300 years and the queen of ass fuckery who sent Columbus and his gay boys across the seas to find gold or something. That’s the difference. We’ll come back to come listen.

Those of you who are not new here will return to Columbus and the gay boys. Don’t worry. All right. It’s been three days since I’ve seen this crazy ass dog. I did not miss her. I love her to death. When I take the trash out, I miss her. But sometimes she’s relentless. She has to run like a runner and she has to go on like a two, three hour long hike every day. Otherwise, she won’t leave me alone. I can’t get any work done. And she wakes me up at like 5 a.m. every morning to go to the bed.

I’m like, I didn’t miss her because I was in this hospital room. It’s all comfortable and a little fan blowing on me. There’s TV. There’s like hot nurse after hot nurse after hot nurse after hot nurse coming in, giving me drugs. It’s like, yeah, I was good. I’m like, I could, you know, can we stretch this out a week? And I don’t have to pay for it. My insurance is paying for it. Guys, if you’re broke and you have good health insurance and you would like a free hotel stay where some of the hottest girls in the world bring you drugs all day and they inject them into you and bring them on a little tray and if you’re hungry, you want something to drink, you just can’t have alcohol. They’ll bring you everything and anything you want. I love the hospital. Can’t have a drink, but here’s some opium. From a hot, like, 22-year-old chick.

I mean, I swear they make those scrubs purposely sexy. I mean, they had to. I mean, men started the hospital. What do you think, guys? They’re hiring a nurse. Take that wiggly dress off and put on this little mini skirt. That’s the new outfit. And bring me some opium. It’s like, if you want a free hospital stay, just, you know… Get completely drunk for a week. And then go to the hospital. Or do something else to yourself. I’m not kidding. It was not bad. It depends on which hospital. I’ve stayed in, I think, like four or five different hospitals now.

Some of them are filled with assholes. I mean, they’re just… It’s like, you go there and they’re like… They’re all upset because you’re there. It’s like, I’m the one paying your fucking bills. However, I do understand that there are other people that might have more serious issues. So, which is why we have multiple hospitals. There’s usually always a room. Not a big deal. Anyways, so I’m in the hospital. I’m sick. Okay. I have, I have, okay. Getting over fear. What was the title of this? Getting over fear. Okay. So I’ve been practicing for years, getting over the fear of being naked in front of other men at the gym.

I go to the gym. It’s like you’ve got a bunch of dudes. There’s a balance. You’ve got the guys that are over 60 where it’s just everywhere you look, you see buttholes and nutsacks and bending over. They don’t care. Now I know why. I’ll tell you why. Then you got the younger guys that are like, they got towels, they’re like, and it’s like, and you think about it, it’s like, dude, none of us are ever going to want to ever remember any of this, so who cares? But, you know, it’s all, so when I first started going to the gym showering… It’s kind of funny because I shower at the gym.

I rarely shower here because my place has been being remodeled since before the pandemic. And I just have not had enough money to remodel it. So you cheap fox, please send me some money. I’ll put my donation links in the description. Okay. But this place, it’s a very expensive condo, high-rise condo, downtown Madison. It’s worth a lot of money. But it’s like a prison cell. I had to block up the windows so that I wouldn’t hear the outside noise. I can’t, there’s no room. It’s a small condo. It’s like a luxurious prison cell. And I’m like, so I go to the gym and I’m showering naked there. And I’m like, one way or another, I was going to end up in a box with windows that don’t open showering naked with menthol. Sometimes I feel like God, like 10 years ago, God took me out into the heavens and was like, Jonathan, you got a long life to live, man.

But you’re about to do something that is going to be upsetting. So here’s the deal. What you’re going to do, like probably a DUI or something, and if you hate people that have had DUIs, you’re going to have a DUI, okay? That’s what’s going to happen to you. And I’ve known people that have had their family members killed by drunk drivers, and I’ve known people that have died in drunk driving accidents. If you hate people that have had DUIs, you’re going to have a DUI and it’s going to be terrible. You need to understand what alcoholism really is.

And if you speed, listen to me, you little bitch. If you speed, text, talk on your phone, or change the lane without signaling, statistically speaking, you’re 25 times more likely to kill somebody than someone drinking and driving. So get the fuck over yourself, okay? I hate that shit. You guys need to get educated. Idiots. All right. So what are we talking about? So anyways, 10 years ago, yeah, God’s like, you’re going to get a DUI and spend a year. This is God. 10 years ago, God took me into the heavens and said, Jonathan, here’s the deal. You’re going to get a DUI, spend a year in jail. But I’ll give you an alternative, okay?

I said, okay. You can live down the hall from your parents for 10 years. You’ll have a luxurious prison cell. It’ll be very similar to jail. You’ll be able to cook for yourself. These are the bonuses. You’ll be able to cook for yourself, and there’s a liquor store down the street. You don’t have to drive, so you won’t be at risk. And in Madison, Wisconsin, in Dane County at least, you can drive a bicycle drunk and not get a DUI. In most places, if you’re on a bicycle, you get a DUI if you’re drinking. Not here. Last I checked, at least. So… And so I’m like, but God’s like, but if you do the jail time, you’ll be out in a year and you’ll be good. You might be gay, but you know, you’ll be good. And I’m like, well, I need to cook for myself. Bottom line is I have to cook for myself. Unless I can meet somebody else.

I was in the hospital room and I was watching cooking shows for hours. I was put in that hospital room for a reason. I could sit there for three days thinking about what I’m doing here and how to manage it. I was watching the cooking shows because I do a cooking show. And my cooking show is very unique. And that’s what makes a cooking show special is somebody who has a unique talent that nobody else has. My experience in cooking and the premise of the show, my experience in the premise of the show, nobody else has experienced.

Nobody else can do what I can do because nobody else went through what I went through and the way I cook is world class. People always ask me, why aren’t you working at a Top Chef restaurant? I’m like, well, I’d kill myself. I told you, I can’t do that. I cannot do that. It’s not a joke. If you go talk to a lot of the homeless people out on the streets, they’re very intelligent people, highly intelligent, just like me. But they don’t have family to fall. My family has helped me a lot in bad situations. I’m very lucky. And I believe it’s because I’m supposed to do this and people enjoy being entertained.

And when I’m sitting in the hospital bed and I’m watching people do things and I’m like, but they’re not doing science. They’re not progressing medicine. They’re not doing engineering. They’re not saving the planet. But I’m sitting there in the hospital bed and I’m like, God, it would be really, really boring to sit here half deranged on drugs and have to watch science and do math. So I’m happy that it’s entered. So what I came to a conclusion years ago is that there’s the trifecta or we’ll call this the trinity of skills for planetary, for human survival, for humans, whatever, trinity of skills. I don’t know.

I gotta get a back massage. God, if you’re a cute girl and you live in Madison and you got daddy issues, can you just give me a back massage and we’ll do things too? I’ll get you pregnant. I don’t care. I’m old. I need to have a… I’m 42. I gotta… At this point, I can’t handle the stress of a child. I need a younger girl so that she can take on twice the stress. You see what I’m saying? Older men like to be with younger girls because we can’t handle that much stress anymore. But they can handle twice the amount of stress.

So she can be two parents and I can be dad. And the pounder. Ooh, good pounding. Mm. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. Mm. Girl, you have no idea. The problem is I don’t usually try to get in a relationship because all I want to do is have sex. That’s it. All day, every day. I can’t stop. If there’s a hot girl in here, that’s it. It’s all I can do. I can’t do anything else. That’s it. Then she listens to me talk. She’s like, I can’t believe you said that.

I’m so sick of these dumb cunts. Hey Siri, define cunt. Cunt is a vulgar slang term. It means a woman’s genitals. Okay. Hey Siri, define vulgar. Hey Siri, define vulgar. Okay. First of all, I’m not going to have her define it actually because Siri chose to say that because Siri herself is a cunt. Okay. Okay. It’s not a vulgar. It’s a term for a woman’s genitals. You have a cunt. I don’t like that word. Well, I don’t like you saying I don’t like a word. Let me explain how this works with women so you guys can understand a little bit more clearly. My hair is growing. My hair is always growing. My hair is out now. And one of my old neighbor ladies, she’s got a walker.

And she’s like, she’s known me for a long time. She’s watched my hair go through the many shades of Jesus and Charles Manson. And now I don’t know who I look, Chong, the many phases of celebrities. And one day it looked like a rock star. One day it looked like… Motley Crue kind of hair, like those guys. Like two weeks of snorting heroin and not bathing your hair. She’s like, she’s got short gray hair. She’s like, I don’t like your hair. And I’m like, well, I don’t like your hair either. You can’t say that to me. How dare you say that to me? Do you guys understand? The mentality of a lying manipulative cunt. Oh, I said it again. This is the problem with the world. And greed is eating us alive.

I can’t get proper medication because a person’s afraid of being sued. And it’s like then you go outside and you get robbed. Somebody robs you. It was like, you got criminal. Here’s the thing, kids. It’s not a problem, though. It’s not a problem. It’s a natural occurrence that prevents population control. And furthermore, makes sure that we stay on our mission to destroy this planet. And that’s a necessary thing. You guys think it’s wrong. You guys are retards. The tree huggers, you guys are retards. This planet has an expiration date. It will die. It doesn’t matter what we do to it. It will die or reset.

Us scientists understand that. And that’s why people aren’t generally entirely concerned about your obsession about not eating chickens when you’re wearing clothes that were made by people who eat chickens. If you truly are a vegan, first of all, my favorite thing is vegans who eat honey. Not a vegan, sorry. And the clothes you wear, sorry. It’s like we live in a cesspool. It’s called the rainforest. You think the rainforest is beautiful, right? Walk in there. You’d be like, oh, wow, this is beautiful. What the hell’s happening to me? You guys are stupid. The planet, we already know the planet has an expiration date.

This information will not be released, but if you’re smart enough, you can see it. And it’s not necessarily an expiration date. It’s a reset. The planet will cleanse itself. You know, like after you douche, when you masturbate or whatever, or, you know, too many cum, whatever. The planet will reset itself. All the planet has to do is go, and all the water goes… And then it’s clean. It washes itself just like you do. Anything that’s living does that. The planet is alive. Do you guys understand that? It’s actually literally alive. And it made us. And we are intelligent. Therefore, it is intelligent by default. Unlike your mother. The…

Okay, I want to get back to the shit show. I got to tell you guys that. So the naked bathing. So over the years, I’ve become ever more confident with standing there naked, pulling my pants down, getting completely naked, and looking at the other guys that are older than me, younger than me, like tucking their little nuts behind a towel and trying to wrap towels. And I’m just free balling it. But I don’t have the balls yet to walk to the urinal and take a pee naked. I’ve been working on that. I do this on purpose because I’m on camera. I’m in front of people.

If you’re going to be in front of people, you’re exposed. And it’s very uncomfortable, especially when some… It’s very uncomfortable to be on camera. I’m not. I like pussy. I like girls that are young. They have to be at the very least 18, though, in this country. Personally, I mean, I do prefer a girl that is like around 22. It’s just her body is just so enticing that girls that are like 40, 50, they’re just not attractive to me. They never were. Sorry. And you guys take offense to that. You’re getting all angry about that. Why?

There’s plenty of dudes out there that want to be with women their age. Why do you get mad at me about it? Why am I a misogynistic pig? Is it because you like me? And you’re like, now I’ve destroyed the fantasy of you wanting to be with me? Well, if I have enough drinks, it’ll change. But I can’t drink anymore. Actually, I don’t know. I’ve done this for years. I drink to the brink of death and then I sober up and I don’t drink for like three months. Now it’s come to the point of where I have to go to the hospital. So my options are this.

I need to get rich so that I don’t have problems with people when I have to go to the hospital. I just slip them 100. Nurse comes up. I go, come here, baby. I take her little scrub and I pull out and I slip 100 in there and I go, I got you. She’ll be like, uh-huh, uh-uh-uh. Wiggled her little butt back. I swear one of these nurses, not this time, it was a different time, I swear she wanted to come in and have sex. I swear she did. She was like totally into me. Like I could just tell she was like, she even like slipped me a couple extra painkillers.

Like she was like, I got you. Can you keep it up though if I give you these painkillers? I’ve been working on the fear of public exposure. The commitment to the other side. Breaking on through to the other side, the doors, without having to be afraid. To live in fear every day. To be able to smoke weed and not sit there and be like, oh my god, oh my god, what are they saying about me? What are they saying about me? Oh my god. I’d rather smoke weed and have a girl just, oh.

God, I get so horny when I smoke weed. God, girls. If you’re a young girl and you haven’t gotten, like, okay, don’t smoke the shit weed they sell in Madison. It’s not real weed. You got to go to like a dispensary, like an actual dispensary and get like a 23 to 30. Start low, you know, get like a 20 plus percent THC. Sativa cannabis is good for sex. Indica is good for night sex. And hybrid is good for day sex. So, you know, if you’re a young girl and you’re like, I don’t know if I’m going to tie weed. Weed makes sex amazing. Now what’s going to happen though, you’re going to do that weed with the guy and all of a sudden that guy, you’re going to get scared as shit of the guy because the paranoia is going to kick in. The cure for weed paranoia is penetration. Once the sex starts, the paranoia goes away. That’s why I wank it every time I get high.

Yeah, baby. This is the transgender porn. I’m not kidding. That transgender porn. I don’t know. They tricked me on it. I was scrolling through. I always scroll through. I’m always looking for the 18, 19-year-old girls that are getting anal. I’m like, okay, YouTube’s like, this is not acceptable for 18 or 19-year-olds. I’m like, Do you guys understand how retarded these people are that run these companies? Every teenager between the age of 13 and 17 is watching 18 and 19-year-old girls get anal. I’m talking about watching… Porn. Girls, 18, 19, getting anal. And they’re like, this is just unacceptable for people under the age of 18. Unacceptable.

And I’m like, well, do you watch it? And they’re like, well, yeah, of course. Did you watch it when you were 15? Of course. Then what the fuck are you talking about? I want to lie and have power. You can’t say that. I got power of you. Fuck you. I realize now more than ever after having to take a shit. The nastiest dump I’ve ever had to take in my life in front of a complete stranger and have her watch me wipe my ass like this close and have to look at the toilet paper as it comes out and be like, do you have hemorrhoids?

Because there’s blood. Yeah. Yeah, my old man. I’m an old man, Frodo. I’m not the same masturbator I once was. At that very moment, I realized that God bestowed me on this planet to do this podcast and teach math in the morning. I have to do math. To be honest with you guys, when I don’t do math, physics, pretty much on a daily basis, even just a little bit, I’m not as sharp. If you’re an old man, old woman, masturbator, doing mathematics, even if you’re doing just basic math, I can tell you, as a middle-aged man, 42, that if I don’t do math, Physics, whatever. I usually do math, but then I look at physics and how it applies to physics. Physics is very different.

There’s hardly any math in physics, yet there’s a lot of math in physics. But when you’re doing physics, it’s more about understanding how the universe comes together and then making the math fit it, whereas in math, it’s more like writing English, which is probably stupid-ass kids have. Please, AI. Only a fucking retard would use AI to learn math. My God, dude. I mean, if you’re using AI to help you understand math, you are a fucking moron. There’s no other way to say it. Dude, I mean, whether you’re in school or not in school, if you’re using AI to help you understand math, you’re an idiot.

Or physics. Or engineering. You’re an idiot. Okay. If you’re an educated person and you’re using it to help you do math, physics, and engineering, and you have an education, then you’re using it the way it’s meant to be used. If you’re in college and you’re using it to help you with math, you’re just stupid. You need to leave college. You’re in the wrong place. So, I have no fear anymore. I don’t care. Nothing bothers me. I remember Walter White. I watched it Breaking Bad the past couple weeks. Walter White goes to Hank. Hank is having a hard time because…

Was it after he had all the guys killed in the jail cell or something? Walter White was trying to console Hank and… He goes, after I had my diagnosis, the cancer, he was telling Hank, he was like, for years, I couldn’t sleep. I’d be thinking about all these things that could go wrong, everything and anything, anxiety, this and that. And then after my diagnosis… I slept perfectly fine. And I thought I was going to die the past couple days. I’m at a point where I have been robbed and abused and taken advantage of and lied to by people so much that I’m like, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. These people are just lying fucking pieces of shit.

Every one of you fucks. And then I’m in the hospital and hundreds of people messaged me and they’re like, They love me, you know, my fans. I didn’t realize that you guys actually cared about me like that. And that had a change to my perspective on being what you would refer to as an influencer. And so thank you. There are good people out there. They just don’t. They’re just not hot college girls. You girls are the worst. I mean, especially high school kids. Wow. If you’re a high school kid and you’re somehow listening to this, wow. Some of you, I mean, your genetics just need to be gone. You’re a sick person.

I have to drink a lot of liquids because I’m going to sweat tonight. I’m coming off of a binge. Anybody who’s a drinker can understand that. So Walter White tells Hank, ever since my diagnosis, I’ve slept fine. Who cares anymore? And so I’m like… Ever since I had to take a shit in front of a nurse, I don’t care anymore. True story. See, I was puking so hard, I was just vomiting and vomiting and vomiting that I shit myself. And I could barely move, so she had to walk me to the bathroom and help me sit on the toilet. Because I was suffering from some type of electrolyte paralysis.

Did I talk about that already? When I got to the hospital, I drove there. I was sober. I had to stop drinking. So I drove there. I don’t drink and drive much. I got there and I pulled into the parking lot. My hands, they clenched up like this. Yeah, I was talking about the Walter White. I don’t know. This podcast has no flow, okay? If you want flow, watch my educational stuff. You’ll be like, is this the same person? Oh. So. Let’s finish off with how to deal with an alcoholic withdrawal. Now, from my personal experience, if you’re under the age of 35, you can tough through it. And the best way to do that, if you’re coming off of an alcoholic binge, now it depends on what kind of alcohol you’re drinking.

If you’re drinking cheap Fleischmann’s vodka or some crap, You know, rail crap and you’re coming off of a binge. If you’re under the age of 35 and you’re drinking that kind of cheap rail crap and you’re like alcoholic, like you’re going to die. That stuff’s going to kill you. If you’re going to drink, you’ve got to drink quality alcohol. Rail drinks are for the cheap hoochie mamas. They don’t want to spend money. If you’re going to drink and get drunk and be hardcore, you’re like an alcoholic, you’re not going to stop drinking for weeks, you need to buy high quality alcohol.

The effect that that cheap rail crap has on your body will give you some horrifying damage to your body. I mean, you’ll get pancreatitis, liver cirrhosis. By the way, I never had pancreatitis. I had an inflamed pancreas. They verified it when I was there because I was in the hospital last year for like nine days because an inflamed pancreas. I punched myself like five times. I was trying to show off to my friend and I went boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I’ve been in the hospital like, I don’t know, six or seven times in the past four or five years since the pandemic started. It’s just been a nightmare. But anyways, dealing with alcoholism is one of the most complicated things in the world because the people in charge of medicine are retards. They’re like, you go to a medical doctor who’s got all these degrees and 15 years of paper, and they’re like, it’s a spiritual issue. So you don’t want to deal with it. You go to a biological chemist, an organic chemist, and a biologist, and a neurologist. Let’s talk to the neurologist, the biologist, and And the organic chemist.

Let’s talk about the truth. How does the body actually work? Alcoholism is not a spiritual issue. Okay? You ever try to talk to… Look, I’m not bashing AA. Okay? But I know it means a lot to a lot of people. I’m not bashing it. But it’s complete bullshit. Okay? If it works for you, that’s fine. But do not tell other people that it is the only solution. Because it is not. I have watched Alcoholics Anonymous kill more people than alcohol. I did all the research on this. If you go back to when AA started… When AA started, it was very effective because it was just really hardcore, super hardcore drunks that could not stop drinking no matter what. What I just went through was not about drinking so much as it was about I’m extremely upset.

I’m going through a very hard time right now. And I was drinking a certain alcohol that was poisoning my body. And I didn’t drink water for like a week. So my electrolytes just, I’m fine. I’m in perfectly fine shape. Just took like two days of hydrating. And I won’t drink now for months. You know, it’s a different variation, which that’s a genetic predisposition rooted in our history as humans. You guys are all stupid. I mean, you guys don’t know anything. You don’t think. You just say words and you think you’re right. It’s amazing. All of you do that. You just say words and you think you’re right.

And you’re like, are you doing that? And then you argue. You just disagree with people. You say words and you think you’re right. And then you just disagree with people. Because that’s like you go to somebody in AA and they’re like, oh, it’s the only solution is AA. I’m like, prove it to me. I’m like, prove to you. Talk to this person. I’m like, so you’re talking. That’s your proof is you’re talking. And then you’re going to have somebody else talk, and now it’s true. I’m like, come on, dude. I spent 20 years in and out of that program. I watched it murder people. I personally think it should be abolished.

It should be outlawed, just like churches. I mean, look at all the churches. You go in the basement of any church, you’re going to find little kids being molested. That’s just the way churches work. Yet… Separation of church and state. You guys get that? So it’s anonymous. You ever talk to a 17-year-old, 18-year-old girl that has gone into an AA meeting? It’s like 10, 20, 60, 70-year-old alcoholic drunks, chain-smoking coffee drinking freaks that just talk all day. She walks in and she’s like, I had a beer and I drove and the law sent me here.

They said, I have a mental, I have a sickness, I’m sick. So the law sent me to you guys, a bunch of uneducated, alcoholic, chain-smoking, coffee-drinking freaks that do nothing but talk all day. And they go, young lady, we can help you with your problem. All you have to do is get on your knees and pray. And while you’re down there, I think you know where this goes. It’s true stories. I’ve been in that program for a while. I’ve seen, I mean, I’ve heard stories, seen things firsthand, and it’s, you know, it’s just like a church. But here’s the thing. This is the truth about Alcoholics Anonymous. When it started, when it was just super hardcore alcoholics that were willing to believe in God, They’d stay sober as long as they stayed together. And so God, the energy is them. Now, if you talk about a higher power, the human body puts off like 100 watts of power or something.

If you’re a group of people, that’s actually a higher power. It’s a power greater than yourself. How many watts of 101? Hey, Siri, how many watts does the human body put out? About 100. She said 50 to 150, so average 100. That’s how a higher power actually works. And I believe in God, 100%. I believe in Jesus. I believe in God. I was visited by Jesus. Seriously. I’m not kidding. I’ve been followed. I have a purpose here, okay? The purpose of this podcast is not to upset people. It’s to enlighten people.

This is a philosophical message delivered through satire. This is my problem with these companies. They’re community guidelines. I’m like, I’m talking philosophically. I’m delivering a positive message through satire so that it’s entertaining. I want people to hear things, but most people don’t want to listen to these things, but I make it entertaining. It’s the problem I have with this shit. So anyways, a higher power. You’re 100 watts. You put out 100 watts. You get with a group of people. You’re with a higher power. If you’re an AA, what’s your problem? The higher power is the group. And you’re like, but how does that fix the chemical reaction in my brain?

I’m like, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Nobody wants to address that. There are people out there trying to address it, but they still go the wrong way. When it comes to alcoholism, okay? This is the problem with alcoholism and addiction. It’s like trying to get people to stop having sex. It’s not going to happen unless it’s not there. That’s the truth. There’s no cure for it unless you snip the freaking wire that makes you want to fuck. You need to understand that as a scientist who has studied this for like 20 years, my current conclusion on alcoholism Is that it’s no different than trying to get people to stop having sex. And the only solution to get people to stop having sex is to separate them all from each other. You put two guys in a room long enough, they’re going to have sex. You saw Family Guy, right, when they were all on the island trying to figure out which hold…

They’re like, how does this, how does gay people, how does this work? All the best was in breaking the shameless, the kids are trying to, the kids, he explained to them how two guys have sex. He’s like, oh, one penis opens up and swallows the other. And then he gets foster care by two gay guys and he puts in a gay porn. He’s watching the gay porn when they come in. They’re like, what are you watching? And he’s like, do you guys have poop on the tip of your tongue? If you haven’t watched Shameless yet, it’s a great, great series. But it’ll put you in a dark place because here’s some of the things. I grew up in an environment where Just like Shameless. Like for me, and I live not, that was in Chicago.

I grew up in Janesville, Wisconsin. It was just like that. Like some of you guys, you kids, you spoiled ass rich high school college kids. You look at somebody like me, I’m doing math and physics, and you’re like, I’m so much better than you. My parents paid for everything. I didn’t experience any pain. I’m so much better than you. We have a superior bloodline. You know, you’re just like the college girls that waxed their cooch and shaved their legs to look like a 12-year-old. You’re a lying, manipulative bitch. It’s just… So, I grew up in that kind of environment. It was exactly like that. Exactly like that.

My girlfriend, you know, like 17-year-old. She was 18. She was 17. I was 18. She was 18. Or we were both 17 or like in that vicinity. She was getting, you know, having five big black crack dealers run a train on her so that her dad… Could get the crack. This is a true story, okay? I didn’t realize what was happening until like a decade later. Because however I was in that environment, I wasn’t raised entirely like my whole life in that environment. I was introduced into it when I was a teenager. And I got the hell out of it. I was like, this is some sick stuff.

I gotta get out of here. I, you know, I had a normal, oh, we’re coming to the end here. We’re going to have to cut this off. We’ll pick that back up. Crack smoking, you know, parents, dad pimping out his daughter. We’ll come back to that. Subscribe for more or act like a little bitch. Your choice. All right. This is filmed in front of a live audience. Not today, though. This is the one first episode. Unless some of my people from my other channel came. This is filmed in front of a live audience, kids. This is the daily upset. If you want to join my membership at my website, you can get access to the Zoom and we can have an after, half hour, hour after chat. That’s what I’m going to do at the end of these. So this gives you a reason to give me money. So if you guys want to join the Zoom, we’ll do an after-hour chat.

Just like kind of creating a modern Hollywood stage where somebody’s there doing a show and afterward you can ask a few questions. Probably like 30 minutes because I just talked for an hour. So I’ve got to take a break. But check it out. I’m setting it up right now. Thanks for listening. Overcome fear, kids. Go take a shit in front of a stranger and have them watch you wipe your ass, like, with a magnifying glass. That’ll cure all your problems. Have a nice mother- day.

Unless you have other plans.